āI felt like a double agentā
āI felt like a double agentā
Lisa Horowitz talks with her brother, David Horowitz, about what it was like having lymphoma and then a stem cell transplant at the ¾«¶«Ó°Ņµ while, at the same time, working there as a psychologist treating cancer patients.
Lisa is the founder of Swab a Cheek, Save a Life, which recruits and educates minority bone-marrow donors.
Transcript
Lisa Horowitz: My first introduction to ¾«¶«Ó°Ņµ was coming here as a patient and I met Dr. Wyndham Wilson. And I could tell he was very smart and he knew everything there was to know about lymphoma and I put my confidence immediately in him. And then the funny thing was, a week later, after I came here as a patient, I had to start my job ¾«¶«Ó°Ņµ. So I felt like a double agent, like I was an undercover cancer patient working in the Clinical Center as a psychologist who was going to see cancer patients and evaluate them for mental health concerns.
David Horowitz: Tell me about your first day.
Lisa Horowitz: I was working for this wonderful boss at the Clinical Center, Don Rosenstein, and he said, āLisa, Iām going to take you on my first consult today. Itās a cancer patient; itās a lymphoma patient.ā He didnāt know I had lymphoma and he said, āWeāre going to meet Dr. Wilson and weāre going to do a consult on one of Dr. Wilsonās patients.ā And I must have just gone white. And I remember that like, oh my God, Iām going to meet Dr. Wilson asā¦
David Horowitz: Who youāve already met.
Lisa Horowitz: ā¦who I already met as a patient and Iām going to meet him now as a psychologist, as a provider. And is he going to give my story away, what was he going to do? And I remember, he just shook my hand, and he said, āNice to meet you.ā And he didnāt give anything away.
David Horowitz: Played it real cool.
Lisa Horowitz: But I had to see one of his lymphoma patients, who was needing a transplant. So, it was a difficult time.
One day I had to get treated, because my tumors were growing and I went up to the 12th floor, which is the Oncology Floor here at the Clinical Center and many nurses from the National Cancer Institute were up there and I had just seen a patient with my white coat on and then I showed back up at 3 oāclock without my white coat and they said, āOh, Dr. Horowitz, nice to see you.ā And I said, āI am your 3 oāclock patient.ā And that was really hard.
The code was, when I wore my white coat I was working and when I wasnāt wearing my white coat I wasnāt working.
David Horowitz: And now you come to work every day and you deal with these peopleā¦
Lisa Horowitz: Yeah.
David Horowitz: ā¦that are getting transplants.
Lisa Horowitz: Yes.
David Horowitz: Do you, like, say, āI went through it or does itā¦ā
Lisa Horowitz: So I never say I had my own transplant, but I think when Iām listening and when Iām nodding and hearing their story ā because their storyās different than my story ā I think I convey a knowing that I could never do in words by telling them I had a transplant. But I think when I say, āyeah, that sounds really hard to go through what youāre going through,ā in my heart I know I know what thatās like and I think Iām able to convey that. Iām grateful that I could work here at ¾«¶«Ó°Ņµ because I feel like I could give back like that, every day.
Additional Resources
Produced by Dan Collison with interviews recorded by StoryCorps, a national nonprofit whose mission is to provide Americans of all backgrounds and beliefs with the opportunity to record, share, and preserve the stories of our lives.
Contact: storycorps@nih.gov
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